Funny stories 1
4 Chinese, Chu, Bu, Fu and Su decided to emigrate to the US. In order to get a visa, they had to adapt their names to American standards.
Chu became Chuck, Bu became Buck. Fu and his sister Su decided to stay
in China."

A couple is attending an Art exhibit and they are looking at a portrait that has them a little taken aback. The picture depicts 3 very black, very naked men sitting on a park bench; 2 have a black penis and the one in the middle has a pink penis.
As the couple is looking somewhat puzzled at the picture, the
Irish artist walks by and says, "Can I help you with this painting? I'm the artist who painted it."
The man says "Well, we like the painting but don't understand
why you have 3 African men on a bench, and the one in the middle has a pink penis, while the other two have a black penis."
The Irish artist says, "Oh you are misinterpreting the painting.
They're not African men, they are Irish coal miners and the one in the middle went home for lunch."

An elderly Florida couple, Sam and Bessie, are vacationing in Las Vegas.
Sam always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale
one day, he buys them, wears them back to the hotel, walking proudly.
He walks into their room and says to his wife, "Notice anything
different about me?" Bessie looks him over, "Nope."
Sam says excitedly, "Come on Bessie, take a good look.
Notice anything different about me?"
Bessie looks again, "Nope."
Frustrated Sam storms off into the bathroom, undresses,
and walks back into the room completely naked except for his boots. 
Again he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice
anything DIFFERENT NOW?"
Bessie looks up and says, "Sam, what's different? It's hanging down
today, it was hanging down  yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."
Furious, Sam yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT IS
To which Bessie replies,
"Shoulda bought a hat, Sam. Shoulda bought a hat."

What porno's want you to think:
  1. Women wear high heels to bed.
  2. Men are never impotent.
  3. When going down on a woman 10 secs is more than satisfactory.
  4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
  5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
  6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
  7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.
  8. Women always orgasm when men do.
  9. A blowjob will always get a women off a speeding fine.
  10. All women are noisy roots.
  11. People in the 70's couldn't root unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
  12. Those tits are real.
  13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.
  14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.
  15. If there is two of them they "high five" each other.(and the girl isn't disgusted!)
  16. Double penetration makes women smile.
  17. Asian men don't exist.
  18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.
  19. There's a plot.
  20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
  21. Nurses suck patients cocks.
  22. Men always pull out.
  23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before rooting the both of you.
  24. Women never have headaches... or periods.
  25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".
  26. Assholes are clean.
  27. A man ejaculating on a womans butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
  28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a cock there.
  29. Men don't have to beg.
  30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.

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